“Speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15)
Maybe I’m slow, but I find this harder than herding hamsters. The “Truth” part I have no problem with – when my baby needs a little truth, I am The Provider! “You snore like a downshifting semi”, and “if American Idol had a support group, you’d be their poster child” are a couple of my recent artistic creations.The real problem is the “love” part of this command.
I’m finding this concept to be a little slippery to nail down, so I ask my 17 year old niece. She tells me “Love is blind”. This doesn’t sound all that desirable to me. Samson was thus the ultimate lover – 2 hot pokers to the eyes and he’s Cupid’s poster pinup. I considered my wife’s snoring. Do I have to neuter all my senses in a mad dash for marital bliss? If yes, how will I know when I’ve crossed the border into the state of Bliss?
Still confused, I ask dad (a pastor), who tells me “The love of money is the root of all evil”. Nothing evil about money, so love is the obvious suspect here. Doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to figure out if you’re worth more than pocket change, adding love is hazardous to your eternal health.
The real problem is that this verse scares me! It means The Provider can no longer shoot from the hip. In my conversations this week with Susan I will practice my “H’s”:
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Doing no harm.
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Speaking with honor, humility, and humor.
Quote of the week “Most marital arguments cannot be resolved” (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Thoughts?
February 28, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Rick, you nailed one of the biggest issues that Li and I work on in our marriage.
In our home, we’re striving for zero-tolerance of comments that are in any way disrepectful or harmful. When it happens, we directly and immediately point it out, listen and learn, the proceed to chase it out of our relationship as if it will destroy it. And, in my own experience, I can assure you that harmful remarks, no matter how humorous or candy-coated, can and will destroy the fabric of a relationship.
So, rather than just striving to “do no harm”, how about “continually lift up your partner in praise and prayer.” Or, “love, honor, and respect each other at all times.” Anyway, some goal like that seems lofty, but seriously, it seems that actively practicing it – talking about it – makes it a shared vision, goal, and daily mantra. And when we agree on this, it’s easy for one of us to correct the other, since we agree on our vision. We expect to be corrected, and try (as hard as it may be) to welcome it.
In my case, I tend to make jokes that go over the line. In Li’s case, well, I guess she does the same. And if one thinks about it, jokes are really truthful statements in disguise as jokes anyway. So, forget the idea that humor is a good cover for honest and heartfelt discussion. Humor is often misunderstood, or worse, it’s very well understood for exactly what it is.
So what kind of vision do we have for our relationships? Couples can truly decide to reach for the sky, and get there – but it requires a shared vision. Dare to dream, and build a vision of a perfect marriage. Talk about it every day. Pray about it. Have faith. And, watch it unfold.
February 29, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Great points. Definitely we should add encouragement to the “H”s, making this the sacred rule of “1 E & 4 H’s”.
Glad you mentioned humor – Susan & I also have the rule that we never joke about something which may have serious undertones.
Thanks Greg for all your encouragement! I look forward to dueling blogs!
February 29, 2008 at 6:39 pm
BTW, the state of Bliss is not to be confused with my home state of Texas, even though they have countless similarities.
March 8, 2008 at 3:27 pm
I didn’t know you were born in Texas… where at?
Dave, Keller, Texas